I want to share a real moment—the day my son Diego invented the Fun Jail. It was the best kind of reminder: that motherhood isn’t just about tasks; it’s about play, connection, and slowing down the busy train.
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The Invisible Avalanche: Mental Load is Real
Have you ever felt like your brain is just a never-ending to-do list? Cooking dinner, folding laundry, answering emails, cleaning up toys, scheduling doctor’s appointments, remembering snacks for preschool, prepping for work… whew.
That’s called the mental load, and it’s not made up. It’s the cognitive and emotional labor moms carry around 24/7. One study found that mothers handle about 71% of household mental-load tasks, while fathers take on only 29% (Psychology Today). No wonder we feel drained and snappy.
Expectations vs. Reality: The Guilt Spiral
We’ve been sold the image of the perfect mom: thriving career, spotless home, happy kids, active social life—and always glowing. The truth? That picture is unrealistic. And when we don’t live up to it, guilt, anxiety, and sadness creep in.
Research shows that unmet expectations in motherhood are linked to higher stress and lower well-being (Powers Counseling; ResearchGate).
We find ourselves whispering those painful questions: “Am I doing the right thing?” “Am I a good mom?”
When We Disconnect, Our Kids Feel It Too
The Family Stress Model explains that caregiver stress and exhaustion often lead to harsher interactions or emotional distance from our children—and they feel it. It can affect their emotional regulation, learning, even their health. Source: Family Stress Model.
The Day Diego Arrested Me (with Love)
That day I was running on empty: running here, cleaning there, answering emails, cooking, bathing kids, folding laundry—repeat. Diego looked at me with his big brown eyes and asked:
“Mom, can you play with me?”
“Not now, sweetheart.”
Seconds later, I heard little footsteps. Diego appeared in his police costume with plastic handcuffs.
“You’re under arrest!” he said firmly.
“And what did I do, officer?” I asked, surprised.
“You never play with me! Off to jail.”
He took my hand, led me to his room, shut the door, and announced:
“This is the Fun Jail. You can’t leave until you play with me.”
I froze… and then I smiled.
“You’re right, officer. I accept this punishment.”
So I paused. We read stories, built Lego rockets, played with number blocks—and laughed so much. I remembered: this, *this* is the heart of motherhood.
What Got Lost—and How to Find It Again
- Reframe “Good Mom.”
Feeling exhausted doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Guilt often comes from unrealistic expectations, not reality. - Redefine Success.
It’s not about doing everything perfectly. It’s about being present, laughing together, and letting the dishes wait 30 minutes. - Build Your Support System.
We’re not meant to do this alone. Lean on your partner, friends, neighbors. Groups or communities have been shown to reduce maternal anxiety and depression while boosting bonding. - Ask for Real Help.
When fathers share in the mental load, moms report less stress and fewer depressive symptoms—and dads feel better too. (University of Texas) - Take Tiny Self-Care Moments.
One study found many moms spend zero percent of their day on themselves. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Even a song, a stretch, or a cup of tea can refill your cup. (Parents.com)
You Are Doing Enough
Let’s be clear: You are a good mom. Not because you’re perfect, but because you keep showing up, loving, and trying—again and again.
The next time Diego locks me in the Fun Jail, I’ll gladly let him… because that’s exactly where I want to be.
Quick Reminder (Because I Know You’re Busy!)
| Problem | Reality / Research | Gentle Fix |
|---|---|---|
| Overwhelming mental load | Moms carry most invisible tasks | Share tasks, show the list |
| Perfect expectations → guilt | Unrealistic and linked to anxiety | Redefine: joy matters more than perfection |
| No time for yourself | Many moms spend 0% of their day on self-care | Take micro-moments just for you |
| Isolation | Support groups reduce anxiety and depression | Join a community, ask for help |
| “Am I a good mom?” doubts | Guilt comes from expectations, not failure | Remind yourself: You are enough |
Download Your Free Resource 💛
Before you run back to the dishes or laundry, pause for a moment. If Diego’s Fun Jail taught me anything, it’s that we moms also need a safe space to breathe and remember we’re doing our best.
That’s why I created a Mom’s Self-Care Check-In Worksheet—a simple page you can print and fill out in just minutes. It’s full of gentle reminders that you matter too.